When Anna and Kate married in 2017, they already had a rough plan for starting a family. They had friends who’d been through treatment before them, so they had a good idea of where to start. What they couldn’t have known was how long the road ahead would be, or how many turns it would take before they got there.
Here, Anna tells their story in her own words.
A mutual love of hockey
Kate and I met through a mutual love of hockey, playing on tour in Edinburgh in 2013. We had an amazing four years travelling the world and having a lot of fun before we tied the knot in 2017.
This is when our rollercoaster journey of fertility began. We’d discussed starting a family before we married, and we’d etched out a rough plan to get in touch with Care Fertility Leeds after our honeymoon. We had same-sex couple friends who were already in the system, so we had an idea of where to start and how it all worked.
We knew I was going to be the chosen one to carry first because of my age. I was 38 at the time and I knew I didn’t have much time left. The clock was ticking. So we had our first appointment in November 2017, and it was agreed I would try IUI in January 2018.
The sperm donor hunt commenced
Kate and I chose Cryos as our preferred bank and we went away individually to shortlist our donors. We both picked three, and believe it or not, out of approximately 100 we both chose the same one!
The first hurdle came at the back end of December 2017. We went skiing in Austria and I snapped my ACL on day two, so my treatment had to be delayed for three months while I had an operation to reconstruct it and recover.
April 2018: first IUI, failed.
May 2018: second IUI, successful. I got pregnant very quickly, and at the seven-week scan at the fertility clinic it was confirmed there were two heartbeats. I was pregnant with twins.
This rocked our world
We had screening tests and the results came back that I was in the high percentage of the babies having Down syndrome. At 12 to 14 weeks I went into St James’s for an amniocentesis, and it was confirmed they both had Down syndrome. Kate and I made the decision very quickly to have a termination. This rocked our world, emotionally and physically. It took a week for me to be admitted for the procedure, and that was a really difficult time for us both and everyone around us.
We booked a holiday shortly afterwards and tried our best to heal and recover together over the following six months. Our family and friends wrapped themselves around us, and they were the best support network we could have wished for in those dark times. My mum and my best friend played such an important part in supporting us emotionally and mentally. It felt like they were on this journey with us, feeling all the pain we felt. They were wishing and praying just as much as we were that one day we’d get our happy ending.
It’s important for me to mention that in those six months after the termination, Kate was by my side every step of the way. The conversation about trying again was very much skirted around because of the trauma and loss we’d both experienced. I think because it was my body that had physically gone through it, Kate waited patiently and unjudgementally for me to make the decision to go again. I think deep down she knew I would, but she knew I had to get to that decision on my own. I will be forever grateful for the care, resilience and patience she gave me.
That burning desire never left me
That burning desire to have a child never left me. It was just silenced for a while whilst I healed and took stock of what I’d have to go through again to get back on the path.
So we headed back to the fertility clinic for the next rounds of IUI. I had two unsuccessful attempts, then I got pregnant on the third try in February 2019. But my positive pregnancy test started to fade away after a few weeks, and I was no longer pregnant.
I suffered from terrible morning sickness in all of my positive pregnancies, so I knew the feeling of being pregnant. I was so in tune with my body by now. As soon as I stopped feeling sick, I knew there was a problem.
We brushed ourselves down and carried on, and tried again in March and then again in August 2019. By this time I’d had so many failed IUI attempts that they offered meIVF on the NHS. Up until this point we’d been paying for the IUI privately.
The other burning factor was that we were running out of sperm, and then COVID hit. During this time we decided to invest in more sperm from Cryos, because our grand plan was that at some point Kate would try fertility treatment too, and we wanted to make sure we were using the same donor for both of us. That way our children would be genetically connected.
Our guardian angel
I had my first round of IVF in 2021, whilst we were in and out of lockdown. Our first attempt was successful and I was pregnant again. However, at my seven-week scan there was no heartbeat. Another heartbreaking blow.
When I had that scan we were still in partial lockdown, and Kate wasn’t allowed to come into the clinic with me. This is where I must introduce Nichola, because she has played a lead part in this story. Nichola was our fertility nurse. She was on this journey with us from the beginning and she was our guardian angel throughout. She went through all the milestones with us, from heartbreak to elation.
She broke the news to me that I was having twins, and she broke the news to me that there was no heartbeat. On every occasion she did it with the utmost professionalism and empathy. I’m not sure we could have done it without her. We wouldn’t have had the fairytale ending without her input, that’s a fact.
One last roll of the dice
In 2021, Kate and I had a Teams call with Nichola and the lead consultant to discuss our options. Before the call, we’d decided that I’d given it my everything and didn’t think I had the energy to keep trying, and we wanted to talk about alternatives. For example, could Kate carry my embryo, and would that increase our chances of a successful birth?
We started that call and I felt I’d made my decision. We were given the options and the alternatives, but there was no evidence to show that Kate carrying my embryo would give us any better odds. The chances of Kate carrying my embryos were the same as me carrying them. Nichola mentioned that I had two embryos left, and that I could put them both in and give it one last roll of the dice, if I had it in me to try again.
There was no pressure on me to do anything. But listening to that last option, I decided to give it one last go. In jest, I said the embryos probably wouldn’t work, they’d be the runts of the litter, because they get graded and they put the best in first.
I went for my last round of IVF with my last two embryos. Nichola did the transfer.
Two weeks later I did my last pregnancy test. I went through that anxiety-ridden few minutes of waiting, and the two lines appeared. I was pregnant. Again. I got past 12 weeks, 24 weeks, 36 weeks…
Two weeks before I turned 43, on International Women’s Day, in Leeds General Infirmary, a bunch of female superheroes, including my wife, helped me deliver our perfect little baby boy, Jude. Wow, what a journey.
Baby Jude, born on International Women's day!
Kate’s turn to step into the hot seat
Then, in 2024, two years later, we emailed Nichola to say "it’s us again". We wanted to hop back on that rollercoaster and grow our family. This time it was Kate’s turn to step into the hot seat, and we decided we’d head straight to IVF.
Kate was 35 by now, just teetering on the age when your fertility starts to reduce. I kept telling her she was young and strong and that she wouldn’t run into the same problems I had. But I wasn’t convincing Kate. She still had those memories, and the anxiety and trauma.
The first attempt failed. I always said the first attempt generally fails and it’s your body adjusting to all the drugs and procedures. By this point I thought I was an expert in fertility!!
Second attempt, she was pregnant.
It was a long nine months for Kate, because watching me go through my journey had left a permanent feeling of anxiety and trepidation that those things might happen again. Thankfully, Kate’s pregnancy was a breeze, and on 3 February 2025 we welcomed a gorgeous baby boy, Beau, into the world.
We did eventually get that fairytale ending we dreamt about.
Jude and Beau, enjoying time together.
A whole lot of love
I’m sure a lot of people reading this might find it a hard read. I’m hoping someone who’s also going through a hard journey might read it and relate to some of the hurdles we found ourselves up against.
We have many a conversation with strangers and friends about fertility, and we’re always open and honest about our experience. Try to get as much information as possible about the process. Speak to people about their experiences.
Our experience brought us together as a couple and made us feel like we could get through anything life threw at us. Resilience and positivity were the key things that got us through in the end. And a whole lot of love from every corner of our circle.
We owe a lot to Care Fertility Leeds and all the amazing people who work there, from the receptionists to the nurses, embryologists and consultants. They all played a part in making our family complete. Thank you.
Kate and Anna with their little boys Jude and Beau.
Anna and Kate’s story shows how different every fertility journey can be. There can be waiting, heartbreak, uncertainty, and decisions you never expected to make. Over eight years, they faced loss, a pandemic and moments when stopping felt like the only option, with the people they loved beside them throughout. Today, they’re parents to two brothers, Jude and Beau, who share the same donor.
To speak to our patient enquiry team, call 0800 564 2270 or click here to get in touch.
